Dear Kino,
I’m
Steve. I have many life experiences and am now at a great point in life. Right
now I own two companies and they are both thriving. It has come to me that you
have a pearl. I do not want to buy it, but I hear it is the pearl of the world.
You have been cheated, my servants tell me. You can go to the capital or you
can sell it there. Let me tell you, the answer is obvious. Go to the capital.
If you do, you’ll get a real deal, fulfill life, and find some adventure in
life.
Do it,
so you get a real deal. Fifteen hundred, they say? You’d have to be a HIPPO,
without a LEG, with HALF A BRAIN, living under a ROCK, in a MINE, on the MOON,
to accept that. ARE YOU SERIOUS? Is this what you were made for? 1500 hundred
pesos could only get you FIVE HUNDRED gum balls at the mall. That’s lame.
What’ll happen to all the extra gum balls? They will be alone forever, and die.
How about a real marriage, nice clothes, maybe another boat? That pearl should
sell for 6000 pesos. Times 6000.
Fulfill
your life. Five hundred gum balls won’t get you anywhere. If you get a real
deal, that money could get your son in school, you could get married, get new
clothes, get a boat, even get a house, and you’d still have left over. What to
do then? Buy a ton of Hugo Boss suits. A ton of Hugo Boss Suits. You don’t know
what you could accomplish with that much money.
Heck,
if all else fails, and that pearl was just a pretty plastic golf ball
accidently stuck in an oyster accidently in the ocean accidently made into a
*fake* pearl by the oyster, you’d still have had a great trip getting to the
capital. Think of all the trails you’ll take, all the sites you’ll see? At no
cost! Except your back. That’s separate though. All that walking, you could be
a on the newest unpopular health magazine cover! That’s something! Heck, I’ll
make a production line with your face on it just for you! At my business, you
know man?
What
are you waiting for? Your son is standing outside on his baby legs crying his
butt off eating the sand and you know why? He wants to go to the capital. Put
him to sleep, slap him awake, and ask him if he wants to go to the capital.
When he starts crying, you know that it is the case. Sometimes I wonder how
horrible life would be without obnoxiously large pearls, well today I’m
wondering how your life is without a ton of Hugo Boss suits. Think about what
you could do with that kind of cash, how many gumball machines you could build,
how much back pain you could develop. Any reason not to? Do you still want to
live that way?
Sincerely
Steve Yang
Founder of the blog “Gumballs N’ Suits N’ Back Pain N’
Magazines N’ the cost of this blog”
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